Dilbert

A Party of Famous Physicists

One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to get together
for a dinner function. Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student,
and able to observe some of the guests...

Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a
constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Einstein was having a relatively good time.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Cauchy, being the only mathematician there, still managed to integrate
well with everyone.
Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.
Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.
Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
The Curies' radiant personalities basked everyone in their glowing presence.
van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
Wien radiated a colourful personality.
Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Hollerith liked the hole idea.
Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
Oppenheimer got bombed.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.

Pothole of the Month

Anrich se Coci skets

Sex-life Insurance - Excellent!

Sex-life Insurance:
Recent studies have shown increasing demand of people not only seeking life insurance, but more specifically Sex-Life Insurance.

The insurance companies have formulated the following options:

Option 1:

If you sleep with your wife

- Legal & General

Option 2:

If you sleep with your wife in your car

- Auto & General

Option 3:

If you sleep with someone else’s wife:

- Mutual & Federal

Option 4:

Sleeping with your mother-in-law

- Old Mutual

Option 5:

If you sleep with a Bushman-girl

- Sanlam

Option 6:

Sleeping with more than one person at the same time

- Prestasie or Multiplex

Option 7:

Taking advantage of the person you sleep with

- Liberty Life

Option 8:

Man sleeping with another man

- Hollard

Option 9:

Having sex on the spur of the moment

- Momentum

Option 10:

Sleeping with your ex-wife

- Outsurance

Option 11:

Sleeping with a prostitute

- Budget

Option 12:

Having sex with someone you don’t even know
- Discovery

Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Brakpan couple decided that was enough.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't
want to have any more children... The doctor told him that there was a
procedure called a vasectomy but that it was expensive. (For people
staying in Brakpan, paying more than R50 for anything other than booze,
car accessories or a sound system, is expensive). A less costly
alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks
are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can
up to your ear and count to 10! The man said: " Aag, yinne, I maait not be
de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I dussin see how putting a cherrie borm
in a beer can, next to my ear, is going to help me."


"Trust me, " said the doctor...


So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee,
forrr, faaaiife, " at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand!!!

This procedure also works in: Springs, Bronkhorstspruit, Primrose, Kempton Park West, Orkney, Randfontein & Benoni

'n Mens sou dit in geen ander taal so kon geniet nie

Die boer lê en slaap in sy huis toe die selfoon skielik begin lui. Toe hy antwoord, is dit ou Petrus op die plaas. Petrus sê: "Baas, baas, jy moet gou kom, hier's groot moeilikheid oppie plaas."

Die boer vra toe "Petrus Wat is fout?"

Petrus: "Ek, ek kannie oor die phone verduidelik nie, jy, jy moet kom hier by die plaas."

Toe die boer daar kom sê Petrus:

"Een vannie skaape, hy het hom die 7 babies gekry, enne die skaap hy sallie hom nie kan voer almal van daai babies nie"

Die boer besef toe dat hulle die lammers maar self met bottels sal moet voer en ry toe na die noodapteek toe en vra vir die dame agter die toonbank, "verskoon tog dame, het jy lam tiete?"

Koel en kalm antwoord sy: "Nee, Meneer, dis net 'n kak bra."