Foto www.rapport.co.zaA bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld, comedian
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their colour.
Maya Angelou, poet
I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it. Charles M Schulzm, cartoonist
If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build yo wings on the way down.
Ray Bradbury, author
I’m tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t work. We are supposed to work it. Alexander Woollcott, critic
Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed. Barbara Tuchman, historian
For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. Isabel Allende, author
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. HG Wells, author
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner, comedian
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers, comedian
Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfil them,for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher
When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
Brian Aldiss, author
I must say Ifind television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx, comedian
I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all tobe distilled into actions which bring results. Florence Nightingale, nursing pioneer
If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. Dawn French, comedian
Idealists foolish enough to throw caution to the winds have advanced mankind and have enriched the world. Emma Goldman, activist
Don’t have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. Steve Martin, comedian
Teach thy tongue to say ‘I do not know,’ and thou shalt progress. Maimonides, philosopher
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly, comedian
Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. John Donne, poet
A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.
Lao Tzu, philosopher
The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. Steven Biko, activist
A word to the wise ain’t necessary -- it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby, comedian
If you do not speak up when it matters, when would it matter that you speak? The opposite of courage is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. Jim Hightower, activist
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams, author
Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous. That’s easy. It’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent. Kevin Bacon, actor
Hope is the thing withfeat hers that perches in the soul — and sings the tunes without the words — and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson, poet
We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Robert Wilensky, computer science professor
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. Lewis Carroll, author
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installasie van die rak begin - soos nie beplan is nie, wou die kas nie deur die deur pas nie - ek moet dit dis nou in die opwaskamer aanmekaar sit. Bietjie moeiliker, maar die kas is in elk geval vrek swaar, so nou hoef ek nie die hele ding rond te dra nie. Sien fotos in die album .
'n Wilde skilpad het op ons erf sy opwagting gemaak - dood luiters rondgewaggel in ons voortuin. Het vir die outjie tamatie en water aangebied, wat hy aanvanklik nie wou eet of drink nie, maar het toe wel later. Franko en Anrich was baie opgewonde oor die nuwe toevoeging tot ons erf, maar ek vermoed hy het weer aangeskuif na groener weivelde. Franko het foto's geneem.Sex-life Insurance:
Recent studies have shown increasing demand of people not only seeking life insurance, but more specifically Sex-Life Insurance.
The insurance companies have formulated the following options:
Option 1:
If you sleep with your wife
- Legal & General
Option 2:
If you sleep with your wife in your car
- Auto & General
Option 3:
If you sleep with someone else’s wife:
- Mutual & Federal
Option 4:
Sleeping with your mother-in-law
- Old Mutual
Option 5:
If you sleep with a Bushman-girl
- Sanlam
Option 6:
Sleeping with more than one person at the same time
- Prestasie or Multiplex
Option 7:
Taking advantage of the person you sleep with
- Liberty Life
Option 8:
Man sleeping with another man
- Hollard
Option 9:
Having sex on the spur of the moment
- Momentum
Option 10:
Sleeping with your ex-wife
- Outsurance
Option 11:
Sleeping with a prostitute
- Budget
Option 12:
Having sex with someone you don’t even know
- Discovery
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't
want to have any more children... The doctor told him that there was a
procedure called a vasectomy but that it was expensive. (For people
staying in Brakpan, paying more than R50 for anything other than booze,
car accessories or a sound system, is expensive). A less costly
alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks
are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can
up to your ear and count to 10! The man said: " Aag, yinne, I maait not be
de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I dussin see how putting a cherrie borm
in a beer can, next to my ear, is going to help me."
"Trust me, " said the doctor...
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee,
forrr, faaaiife, " at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand!!!
This procedure also works in: Springs, Bronkhorstspruit, Primrose, Kempton Park West, Orkney, Randfontein & Benoni
Variations On Murphy's Law
1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist.
2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
4. The Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
7. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
8. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.
9. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
